77 days left and 41 lbs to lose

Lose 100 lb in one year by Oct 1, 2012 update: Weight is 240 lbs, weight loss is 59 lbs, 41 lbs to go!

I updated my graph today and realized, with a VERY large lump in my throat, that I have 77 days left to lose 41 lbs.

Setting myself a 100 lb weight loss goal in one year sounded quite reasonable, averaging less than 2 lbs per week, however, one does not take into consideration that depending on emotions, determination and just GODDAM LIFE, that weight loss is rarely steady and consistent. Plateaus come and go, sometimes you lose interest, sometimes you stop exercising and sometimes you just eat way too much potato (and I LOVE my potatoes)..

I’m a laid back happy-go-lucky kind of person with a hidden demon. That demon is nearly always snoozing, hard to rouse, happy to remain placid.

But this weekend my demon has been rousing from it’s slumber, I feel it’s breath on my neck, it’s heart beat increasing, clawing at my chest, ready to explode from it in full fury- BITCH! (Ooops sorry I went all Sigourney Weaver for a moment)

Now is the time to nurture that demon, befriend it, use it, become stronger, tougher, more determined. The task in-hand is not impossible..

October 1st 2012 I’ll be 199 lbs, you’ll see….

C xxxxxxxxx

OMG I love you ALL!!!

OMG I love you all!!!! Your comments are exactly what I needed and promise to answer all this weekend on my days off!

I didn’t visit my blog for a week… I have been thinking so many things through. Painstakingly analyzing minute details of my psyche. Mentally preparing myself to surge forward and grasp this sucker by the throat (jeez I never knew I could be that violent!) and finish the job. There is no doubt in my mind that more than anything else I want to rid myself of 100 lb on top of what I have already lost. According to my scales this morning I am down 55 lb from my heaviest ever weight and despite, at times, not eating 100% wartime rations, am still down 25 lbs from when I originally started the 1940s experiment.

I’ve been looking at my shape in the mirror. There is not a lot I like about the body I wear. Not so much that I am saggy and should you see me in silhouette after I’d placed an antennae on my head, I would indeed resemble a teletubbie (except not so young and cute) but simply that the fat suit I wear stops me from being the person I am inside sometimes. I am playful (despite my 45 years)… I love hugging and giggling and am affectionate towards fellow human beings (if they don’t put barriers up). But sometimes I hold back, afraid that folk will think me strange, I guess it is all to do with lack of confidence now that I wear a different sized body.

Today I have taken another step. I brought my sneakers to work with me and grabbed an exercise t-shirt and after work I go to the indoor walking track to start an exercise routine. It will be difficult at first, my weight causes a painful crushing sensation on my spine when I walk for extended periods of time but I’ll push through it bit by bit until it gets easier as my weight continues to drop. I am committing to go 3 times a week. My goal today will be to complete a minimum of two laps without stopping….

In the 1940s people were far more active than we are as a society today so to be successful in my experiment I have to keep busy. I may not be digging for victory in the fields like a Land Army girl but I’ll certainly be heading towards victory in my own way…

Carrot and Potato Mash

I have been busy in the kitchen and have a lot of recreated WWII recipes from the homefront to share with you over the next week or two- afterall I do have to photograph and post another 70 authentic recipes to keep to my end of the bargain before my years experiment ends…!

This particular recipe was shared with me many years ago when I lived in rural Norfolk in the UK… it is really very tasty indeed

Carrot and Potato Mash

  • 2 medium/large potatoes per person
  • 1 medium/large carrot per person
  • 1/2 oz butter per person
  • salt and pepper to taste


Fill a large saucepan with salted water and heat

Chop potatoes into small pieces ( 1/2 inch chunks) and place in saucepan of hot water

Grate carrots and add to saucepan too

Bring to boil and then simmer for about 15 mins or so until potatoes are tender

Drain thoroughly

Add butter to saucepan and mash thoroughly

Add salt and pepper and stir thoroughly until satisfactory taste has been achieved.

Serve with a little knob of butter on top

PS: Click here and check out someone who has started a 1940s ration diet on UK TV – note the link to my wartime recipe page- yay!

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Week 13 – 35lb off with 65lb to go!

Despite a few glitches over Halloween (no matter how hard I try to convince myself there is no way they had funsize Kit Kats in the 1940s!) the scales this morning are showing another 2lb off!!!

I have now lost 35 lbs and am down to 280

This means I am on track (with a bit in hand) to lose 100lb in one year which was my goal when I started this blog 3 months ago. There will still be quite a bit of weight to lose beyond this but I am focussed on the 100lb goal- being 1/3rd of the way there already is very motivating..

My fears are that the next few months will be my danger period- typically this has alway been the time for me where everything goes wrong and the weight creeps on again. I can’t let this happen though……this is it. It’s my one shot…

Good luck to everyone who is struggling to do the same!

C xxx

Will the real Carolyn Ekins please stand up…

toyahLife is weird at the best of times.

Some people go through life with a goal, they know who they are, they know where they want to be and they stay right on track to get there. The majority of us bimble through life never truly knowing who we are or where we want to be and can either be satisfied with that and stay on the track we are already following or we decide to take the dirt road instead of the highway. The dirt road has many detours & dead ends, takes a long time to travel because it is never clearly signed, but ultimately has the most interesting scenery. You never really know where the road will take you but it seems better than following the other routes..

I have always taken the dirt road in life.

But sometimes you have to force a change to make things happen, have clear goals and stick with that one goal for a long time otherwise you keep taking detours and never will get to the end..

Inside every fat person…

Being super sized fat is not me. Inside my body Carolyn Ekins is screaming to get out- it’s been so long since I’ve seen her that I really have forgotten who she is but I know there isn’t one day that passes by where I don’t wonder what it would be like to be the real me again. That can make me sad. Has this happened to you?

To quote some very contrived lyrics from a 1980’s single from recording artist Toyah..

I wanna be me, I wanna be me..

So I guess it’s time to make sure that for once in my life, I stick to the highway, stay focussed on the road ahead, avoid all dangers, drive steadily, keep plenty of gas in the tank and above all check the mirror frequently as one day the real Carolyn Ekins will once again appear in it…

Thanks for listening

C xx

Oooooooo – fat photos!


Ya know- I am what I am and as much as this photo amuses and disturbs me it’s the truth – that’s me.

I think an important part of anyone’s JOURNEY is realizing the truth and the photo above, that my daughter shared with me today (taken just a few days before starting my 1940’s experiment) was a startling realization of the bare naked truth.

I have accepted it, and now I’m doing something about it. That is my journey…