I didn’t visit my blog for a week… I have been thinking so many things through. Painstakingly analyzing minute details of my psyche. Mentally preparing myself to surge forward and grasp this sucker by the throat (jeez I never knew I could be that violent!) and finish the job. There is no doubt in my mind that more than anything else I want to rid myself of 100 lb on top of what I have already lost. According to my scales this morning I am down 55 lb from my heaviest ever weight and despite, at times, not eating 100% wartime rations, am still down 25 lbs from when I originally started the 1940s experiment.
I’ve been looking at my shape in the mirror. There is not a lot I like about the body I wear. Not so much that I am saggy and should you see me in silhouette after I’d placed an antennae on my head, I would indeed resemble a teletubbie (except not so young and cute) but simply that the fat suit I wear stops me from being the person I am inside sometimes. I am playful (despite my 45 years)… I love hugging and giggling and am affectionate towards fellow human beings (if they don’t put barriers up). But sometimes I hold back, afraid that folk will think me strange, I guess it is all to do with lack of confidence now that I wear a different sized body.
Today I have taken another step. I brought my sneakers to work with me and grabbed an exercise t-shirt and after work I go to the indoor walking track to start an exercise routine. It will be difficult at first, my weight causes a painful crushing sensation on my spine when I walk for extended periods of time but I’ll push through it bit by bit until it gets easier as my weight continues to drop. I am committing to go 3 times a week. My goal today will be to complete a minimum of two laps without stopping….
In the 1940s people were far more active than we are as a society today so to be successful in my experiment I have to keep busy. I may not be digging for victory in the fields like a Land Army girl but I’ll certainly be heading towards victory in my own way…