I promised my Mum (actually my parents) last year that I would work hard on reducing my weight because they worry so much. Alas it is one of my regrets that I never managed to become a healthier weight while Mum was alive. This is killing me inside.
I am the only obese child of my parents and all their brothers and sisters children. I really don’t know what caused my weight to get soooooo out of control I think I simply just ate my feelings….
My heaviest weight (about 15+ years ago) has been around 345 lbs (24 st 6 lbs or 156.5 kg) and currently I am 95 lbs lighter. My weight is currently 250 lbs.
- January 2026 Start weight = 287 lbs (20st 5 lbs – 130.2 kg)
- June 2026 weight = 250 lbs (17 st 8 lbs – 113.4 kg)
The Devil on My Shoulder
My struggles, triumphs and failures keep repeating. You’ll see this every year since my blog began (and before). I can’t tell you how tiring this is, how stupid I feel. A 60 year old grown ass woman who simply can’t get her sh*t together and save her own life.
I’m tired of it all. I can’t bear to see my Dad worry anymore (or my children). Dad has started saying things like “I can’t bear the thought of losing you too”. This truly is from a place of concern, he is sad, grieving, broken. He has the weight of the world on his shoulders right now, my extra 250 lbs is just too much.
Seeing how life can just be taken away from someone, how my dear darling Mum, despite keeping her diet under control, never smoking and rarely drinking was cruelly taken away, one has to strive to keep going, to keep TRYING! Life is precious.
My goal? Simply to no longer be obese. To no longer be 200 + lbs. To stay 199 lbs (14 st 2 lbs – 90.2 kg) or less for the rest of my life. To take some of that worry from my dear Dad’s shoulders.
To keep my promise to Mum….
Congrats on your weight loss! I can relate with this so much, I’ve always struggled with my weight and when I had my daughter a few years ago it got a lot worse. I’m still struggling to lose the weight, but your blog is an inspiration. Hopefully we can do this together! X
You can do it!! Look how much you have lost in those few months just by sticking to a ration diet. An absolute inspiration, and yet im on slimming world and have taken off three stone but slowly letting it rise again. I have to give my self a talking to ad well and taking a leaf from your book…ration the food!! Keep going xx
Oh Carolyn you are always so open and honest, such a good soul. Having struggled with my weight for oh so many years I relate to everything you have written. In my own case looking back unhappiness played a big part and food was a solace. I am so rooting for you, as are so many others. Sending love darling girl. June xx
Just remember your body ‘wants’ you to weight 345 lbs. That is your ‘set point’. Your body will do whatever it takes to get you back up there. So every day you stay below that weight is a victory. Celebrate! Give yourself a pat on the back and a big hug. It take up to five years for your body to accept/normalize to a lower weight. That’s why We have such a difficult time keeping the weight off after losing it. Love you, sweetheart, one day at a time.
Well done. I have just started my journey, to lose weight and its hard some days.
You’re doing a great job and I know when one really loves the results more than than the not-so-good habit, whether it’s smoking or weight or not exercising, one can succeed much more easily. I’ve been off ALL added sugars for 27 out of 30 days I committed to. Very hard for me. I LOVE sugar. But I was so tired of the bloating and ups and downs all day. The added benefit was that the menopause belly shrunk considerably as when I walked or did some cardio, or even chasing my chickens around, I no longer had sugar to burn, just the fat. You can do it! And you’ll feel so much better for it. I feel amazing even if I pout because there’s no cake with my tea.
Carolyn, your Mum knew how hard you are trying, I am sure she was proud of your efforts. She would not want you to feel sad and guilty all the time. As others have said, you have already achieved so much. Celebrate the small victories. You are an inspiration to so many other people, and we are all supporting you right now. For many of us, the pain of bereavement results in comfort eating/bad eating patterns. You have not failed, you are just human. Your Dad is bereft too, and I suspect that in his grief he is saying things without appreciating the impact his words have on you. He loves you too. You will get there, but the emotional strain right now is slowing you down a bit. Keep going, my friend ❤️🙏👍
Hello Carolyn,
Please allow yourself time to grieve for your mum.
Do you know of the YouTube channel Broccoli Mum. She has lost a lot of weight on a plant-based diet. She is in the UK.
This is the link to her channel.
https://youtu.be/rv_ng-NAl4w?si=CvbFw2Ay15ruRZvR
Also, sometimes thirst and dehydration are mistaken for hunger.
God bless
Dear Carolyn,
Big hugs. Do be gentle with yourself, as I am sure your Mum would have been. I know some of the struggle as I’ve been on steroids for life for a tumour since I was 17 and I went from being the teenager with not a spare ounce on her to the kind of weight that makes GPs and nurses nag and people make assumptions. It’s no fun, is it? A few years ago
I got down from 13st. to 8.5 an ideal weight at only 4 ft 11 only to shortly after have three bereavements in two weeks. Result: weight gain.
I have learned that low carb is the only thing that works if you are on steroids, but of course back in the day no Drs knew that. The other thing of course is that you have been so unwell with your tummy lately that the important thing has to be taking care of that.
I’ve wanted for a while to say that certain things you described about those bouts of ill health are familiar to me as someone with a tendency to bowel obstructions. Idk whether you have had prior abdominal surgeries or scarring but it took my Drs far too long to realise the problem wasn’t IBS or gastritis, in fact I nearly had sepsis before I was diagnosed. Just something to ask them about if it recurrs.
Your page starting with potato cakes got me back into cooking after I had the obstruction and it feels so much less stressful as it is good plain food. so from the bottom of my heart good luck to you!
All best wishes