A Very Merry Christmas…

No 40’s Christmas here.

The last couple of months, after a good initial start and very good intentions disintegrated into just letting myself go completely. It’s been the same story over and over all my life. I’m sure it will happen often, it’s never going to stop, it’s just making changes again before I’m back up to the 300’s and working my way down until I get to a healthier place again.

Not going to dwell on this.

December 27th will be the day I start again…. I’m used to picking myself off the floor. I’ve been in far worse places.

I’ve also been planning in different areas of my life for not only a healthier but a prosperous 2018. I’ll post again on New Years eve with my year plan (which has taken the form of several large sheets of notes and crossings out) and I really hope you’ll join me and we can work on our planning and prepping together and share our successes.

I just wanted to really send a BIG hug and lots of love to everyone who has stuck by my blog even through my quiet times when I need to just disappear. I do read all the comments even if I appear to be a little anti-social. It’s more of a case of my life being incredibly busy, getting older, getting fatter and feeling really tired as a consequence. I do a LOT of thinking on a daily basis, deep thinking, going to bed at 7 pm for me is quite normal, I’ll do some research, read people’s life experiences, and then just stare into space and think, maybe for an hour, maybe more…. and then it’s 9 pm and time for lights out to try and get near 8 hrs of sleep.

I’ve been questioning what makes me happy….

This year, especially the later half at work has made me happy. I feed off people, I love their mannerisms, their quirks, their emotions, I love it when people smile and laugh and people never cease to amaze me. We are so complex, so good, so bad, so utterly unique, each and every one of us.

I’ve been pondering how time never stands still now, I feel like once I started to notice that time was moving along rather swiftly, it’s inertia now ensures that it keeps on getting faster and as my mass and age gets larger, the speed of time increases. I am sure there will be a Sir Isacc Newton out there who will come up with an equation that succinctly establishes this thought as reality. Time speeds up, our lives pass by quicker. More reason to fill it with things you love doing if you can.

Christmas is a time for me that I feel the most important things in life emerge. What do we look forward to most? For me it’s being with my family, giving, and loving. I love my family but I’m not sure I’ll ever be IN LOVE again with anyone. I’ve so much love to give but I feel safer holding back. I finally have come to realize that I feel happy on my own. I like feeling FREE to spread my wings, and be a free spirit without hindrance. I’m not afraid of being lonely…

Merry Christmas and much love and happiness.

C xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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21 thoughts on “A Very Merry Christmas…

  1. Just thought you might like to see (the attached photo) of how that Christmas cake you/your blog inspired me to finally make last year for my own family. Sorry, I don’t have any pictures of it decorated…it was WONDERFULLY tasty! I used your recipe exactly. My apologies, it’s been a whole year gone by before I’m getting this to you, but better late then never? MERRY CHRISTMAS to you (and your family)! – Lynn

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You have described me in the above and I too have realized I am better off by myself to feel free and just do. Have a beautiful Christmas and may the New Year bring blessings to all
    🎄

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Seasons Greetings. I have watched and read from afar your wonderful blog.
    It’s inspirational, original and simply lovely to see what living outside the norm can be like. Life is such an incredible journey and we are all along for the ride.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. First respect for you and your efforts and honesty.
    Second: Thank you for your recipes- I have enjoyed 2x 1945 Christmas cakes and puddings already. Once started they seem to vanish very quickly.
    Third: Time speeding up with age (no connection with weight). Many times I get a shock when something (or someone) that ‘just’ happened or met with turns out to have been years ago.
    Every good wish for 2018.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Wow Carolyn, you are in real dark place, at Christmas even, that gets me right in the heart, why should someone be so low at this time of the year when it is the season of good cheer. Do not stop reading, I have been there where you are, even after all the times you yourself have tried to get up and rejoice that you have conquered it. We human beings need someone to do the job for us, to give us strength, to guide us, that can only come from the Almighty God of Heaven and Earth, not ourselves. My strength was given to me over forty years ago, when Jesus came into my heart. I am attaching my testimony to this letter I would like you to read it and act as you see according to your hearts desire, nobody can do it for you, you must do it yourself as it is a question between you and your maker, please find a good evangilical church and speak to a saved preacher to get the full word of truth, OR contact this web site, “truth for life.org” and listen to a Scot who was trained in London and migrated to America. The wife and I are now too old to get up and got to Church so I watch Alistair Begg on line and get my spiritual food there. May God bless you at this festive time.

    Alan and Mona Gander

    On 24 December 2017 at 00:30, The 1940’s Experiment wrote:

    > Carolyn posted: “No 40’s Christmas here. The last couple of months, after > a good initial start and very good intentions disintegrated into just > letting myself go completely. It’s been the same story over and over all my > life. I’m sure it will happen often, it’s never g” >

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you! I am new to your blog however much of what you have said resonates with me. I will be following along with you. Merry Christmas!

    On Dec 23, 2017 3:30 PM, “The 1940’s Experiment” wrote:

    > Carolyn posted: “No 40’s Christmas here. The last couple of months, after > a good initial start and very good intentions disintegrated into just > letting myself go completely. It’s been the same story over and over all my > life. I’m sure it will happen often, it’s never g” >

    Liked by 1 person

  7. ’s been the same story over and over all my life. I’m sure it will happen often, it’s never going to stop

    Be careful what you are telling yourself, lady. What has happened many times before, does not have to happen again. Remember when you weren’t sure you should write a blog, that anyone would read it, or that you had anything to say? Yet here you are reaching out and touching people. When it’s time, it’ll happen, and it will be so easy you will be amazed. Just wait for the right time, and tell yourself now it’s time for me.

    Merry Christmas.

    Peace and love, comfort and joy.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Thank you so much for the lovely comments from ALL! xxxxx They are very much appreciated and I hope everyone has a fantastic Christmas Day tomorrow (or today if you are half way around the earth). Please don’t worry, I’m NOT in a dark place. I’m feeling strong and happy, somewhat confused by my conflicting emotions and how I am rejecting affection at times but that’s just part of life and my psyche at this time. I’m more feeling the need to get back in line and focus on my health and creating a financial safety blanket for myself and have plans for both these things in 2018. Much love to ALL….MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! XXXXXX C

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Dear Caroyln,
    Your blog and project are wonderful and you should be proud of them.
    Christmas is a great time for introspection and often I feel that people get caught up too much in the commercial and activity side of Christmas have missed out on an opportunity for growth. Sadness is underrated and great things come from facing the reality of our situations even though it can be painful to face.
    Time can slow down again (I think) if you spend time in introspection (a meditation or yoga practice for example) and also breaking away from routine from time to tome.
    Peace!
    J

    Like

  10. Dear Carolyn,
    I read your blog every night before bed and your Instagram and love every bit of it, I hope you have a lovely Christmas and come back fighting in the new year, as we women always do!!! Life is what you make it and you have to grab what you’ve got and embrace it. i look forward to maybe some more recipes as I live on most of them and love them hahaha.
    Love to you and your family xxx
    P.s I have just bought that rhubarb and ginger gin, it is beautiful !!!

    Like

  11. Merry Christmas from the heartland of America! Don’t think I’ve posted a comment before, but have been reading a while now. You’ve inspired me many times, I’ve used recipes as templates…I appreciate your work. Stay strong, inside and out. Holidays are a bitch, as we’re all surrounded by treats and beer and carb heavy casseroles. Looking forward to following your reset on the 27th. I certainly need to reset.
    Also, being alone does not mean one is lonely. Use that personal time that you dreamt of when your children were young. That’s where I am now. A moment alone is a dream to me right now.

    Like

  12. Hi there…. Go to you tube…
    Type in Dr. Eric Berg, and Keto Christina.
    It doesn’t have to be so hard.
    There is hope.
    Also… vegan keto…
    I have followed your journey for years now….
    You have come so far…
    I live in Blandford, near Bayswater Beach.
    You had a local blog which I followed, somewhere near Chester.
    You’re a very brave lady.
    Please research this.
    Thank you for reading this.
    Best wishes for 2018.
    Kindest regards,
    Judith Mitchell
    Blandford, NS.
    CANADA

    Sent from Premium Email app for Hotmail

    Saturday, December 23, 2017, 6:30 PM -0400 from comment-reply@wordpress.com :
    Carolyn posted: “No 40’s Christmas here. The last couple of months, after a good initial start and very good intentions disintegrated into just letting myself go completely. It’s been the same story over and over all my life. I’m sure it will happen often, it’s never g”

    Like

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