Video Diary – nearly 300 lb and struggling.

I think I’ve sapped the strength out of so many people on social media today that I’ll just let this video speak for itself.

Thank you to all who have been there for me today, I appreciated every single comment, they were all very supportive and helpful.

Thank you xxxxxx C

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20 thoughts on “Video Diary – nearly 300 lb and struggling.

  1. What a brave video, you have done SO well financially, I know you can also make plans to overcome this binge eating! Perhaps if you identify what satisfaction you receive from the eating, you could find a substitute for those moments of need. (something like having to give up cigarettes, with which I am familiar! (successfully finally at 59) my thoughts and very best wishes, ann lee s

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  2. Carolyn, I’m not sure you know what an inspiration you are to so many of us far and near. Your straingth of character that allows you to share your struggles with weight is amazing. You got this! You clearly know the path you want to travel /that of health and longevity! That in itself -seeing you weakness is half the battle! I was wondering if you did any soul searching to define why the binging happens! I know for a long time I lied to myself and said”I just love food”. I come to realize that in fact food was a way to comfort myself for feeling like I just wasn’t enough! I am very lonely and do not feel Fululled . My lifeis emptying food is my friend! You had a large part in me coming to this conclusion! Thank you for your honesty I really feel like I know you! You will conquer this just as you are taking your Finances in hand! We all fall down but Iknow you will get back up and march forward! You are a truely Great person! Blessings from Canada!

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  3. Dearest Carolyn,
    You are beautiful in every sense of the word. I understand your concerns about your health but please try to practice self-compassion, say a little Metta Prayer. Are you familiar with Tara Brach’s book Radical Acceptance, also her podcasts have always helped me. Check the “Self-Doubt” one if you like. Another thing, it is possible that you are not getting enough protein. I am a vegetarian myself and whenever my protein intake is not enough, I start to crave for chocolate or crips. Sending you lots of love and light…

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  4. Your honesty is truly inspiring. Never give up. You can do it. Slow and steady is the way forward.

    Lots of love and hugs ( and for anyone who knows me irl, those aren’t given out willy nilly)

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  5. I am a pretty new follower and have struggled with food (not my weight but with food itself). I had to overcome it and I had to talk all day long to myself. I ‘binged’ if I wanted but it had to be healthy food (as much veg & fruit as I liked, plus yogurt or cottage cheese). And I kept the word ‘nourish’ in my mind, especially when the negative self talk or urges were a struggle. For me it was all about my emotional health (or rather un-health at the time). Your honesty is amazing and an asset for you. You are inspiring. I wish I’d had the insight that you do. Sending you love from New York.

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  6. Just wanted to also say how brave you’ve been and that I’m sure you speak for many of us who have problems losing weight – or keeping it off once it’s been lost. It has been a life-long struggle for me. I was doing quite well over the past couple of years but this winter has been tough. Do you think that this might be part of the issue for you? With this winter being so long and cold I find that I’ve been binging more – salads just don’t have the same appeal as potatoes when it’s freezing outside. I always find it easier as the weather gets warmer and perhaps you will find this to be true as well.
    My doctor recommended Paleo but I can’t do “no carb” – but low carb has worked well. Protein, lots of fruit & veg, and smaller portions has worked for me – but everyone is different so I hope you can find the way that works best for you. Try not to beat yourself up too much – take things slowly (nothing too drastic) and acknowledge even small victories – good luck.

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    • Hi Margie,

      I think the no carb approach is the most detrimental advice ever to be given! Traditionally, who are the lightest people in the world? Asians. What is the bulk of their diet? Rice! If your look at traditional cultures all over the world they have thrived on complex carbohydrates – beans and grains – without getting fat. I have based my diet on complex carbs for over thirty years and maintained a healthy, slim weight the whole time, even through pregnancies. I eat plenty and never go hungry. Foods like oats, brown rice, cous cous, millet, quinoa keep your blood sugar stable. Thirty years ago I was addicted to sugar – completely cured this addiction without even trying by eating a wholefoods, plant-based diet. My wife has lost 2 stone without even trying just by eating a whole foods, plant-based diet, including wholesome baked treats like banana muffins each day. No ‘low fat’ in sight!

      Have a look into the Blue Zones, places on earth with the highest longevity. These people eat a mostly plant based diet, plenty of grains and beans, and many of them also enjoy a nice glass of red with dinner and a good cup of coffee each day. Let’s think about nourishing ourselves – with good food, good company and plenty of pleasures. A packet of fatty, unhealthy crisps really isn’t a pleasure – how do we feel after eating it? A pot of tea in the garden with a homemade biscuit is a pleasure, walking the dog in the sun is a pleasure, cooking for friends and sharing a meal is a pleasure. These pleasures will make you healthier and less likely to binge on rubbish.

      Hope this helps someone, I hate to see women struggle with their weight and all the ensuing guilt. If you are eating a mix of low fat ‘diet’ foods and junk your body will not be nourished and your blood sugar will not be balanced. This is the real cause of binge eating. I’m sure some of us are emotional eaters too, but if we are well nourished the emotional eating will not be on such a huge scale.

      Love yourselves ladies, and go and cook something delicious and nourishing 🙂

      Madeleine.xx

      PS Carolyn, a lot of the above I wrote for you. You have tremendous courage in sharing your struggles and there is a solution that doesn’t involve punishing diets and exercise routines. Keep us posted!

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    • I just re-read your comment about salads. Of course they don’t appeal in winter when we need to stay warm. Try steamed veggies (broccoli, cauliflower, fennel etc…) and roast some pumpkin, sweet potato, beetroot, parsnip etc… with a little olive oil and sea salt. These will warm you up and leave you feeling satisfied! Have them with some brown rice, either plain or do a quick fried rice.

      Madeleine.x

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  7. Dear Carolyn, yesterday it was too late when I was writing to you. I forgot to mention Paul McKenna. This “I can Make You Thin” Meditation help me tremendously with my chocolate addiction. It was in the CD that comes with the book. I lost weight and never ate chocolate or sweets in those amounts anymore. You can also check Chakras. May be leading a frugal life challenged your Root Chakra- foundation- and you take refugee in comfort eating which I do often. It is evolutionary, they are not called “comfort food” without a reason. Have a wonderful Sunday Love

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  8. I am sorry that you are feeling so down at the moment, Carolyn. I am sure this Wintry weather and cabin fever is getting to all of us, and comfort eating goes with the season.
    It will pass, the clocks go forward next week and you will feel more positive.
    You are so much more than your weight. You are an inspiration and a joy.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Carolyn, you have been an inspiration to me. I, too, struggle with my weight and finances as well. Glad you have your finances under control. As far as weight – right now I’m happy if I can just stay at the same level and not go up. I know how it feels to fight this beast for years. I’m down 50 pounds from my all time high, but this body is my albatross at the present. I’m praying for the season to change and warm up enough to get out and swim. Swimming is a blessing for me as I have physical limitations that make other forms of exercise difficult or impossible. I still need to lose another 100 pounds. I’ll be praying for both of us. Hang in there, dear internet friend.
    Nancy

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  10. Found your site a week ago. I used it to kick start my 100 lb. weight loss that had gotten off track. I lost the 4 lbs. I gained from binging. Alas, told my husband that we had received a care package from America with vodka and peanut butter. LOL. Back on track, have found a new love of potatoes and cabbage. Keeping to the fat and cheese ration has been helpful and enlightening. Didn’t realize how much cheese I ate. The struggle is real and we all need support which is why I have a FB page about my journey with weight loss. 20 lbs. down, dr. is happy, but I am still my own worst enemy. Keep it up. Looking forward to more posts and recipes. https://www.facebook.com/eilleykb/

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  11. There’s really good evidence that gut flora affects weight gain: https://nutritionfacts.org/video/is-obesity-infectious/ We appear to be individuals, but we’re really more like colonies — especially with relationship to digestion. There are also obesogens in industrially produced foods that turn pre-fat cells into fat cells: https://nutritionfacts.org/video/obesity-causing-pollutants-in-food/ In either case it may be possible to alter those things, making it easier to avoid the urges that send you binging.

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  12. Thinking of you, in NZ.
    Be kind to yourself, body, mind, and spirit.
    Take gentle care, have everything about you beautiful..
    Today is a new day.
    xx

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  13. Oh Carolyn how brave you are! Posting that video shows you have the inner strength to find the answer you are looking for. Please do love yourself and be kind to yourself and see what others see: a beautiful woman full of soul who deserves to live her dreams.
    Sending you all best wishes.

    Jenny

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  14. Hi Carolyn, I checked in to use the Apple Crumble recipe for tea tonight and I thought I would check how you are going. Well done on the finance front and also well done on making such an honest, open video about your weight journey. I have seen in your posts a thoughtful practical woman and I have no doubt that you will find what works for you. Thank you for putting together such a delightful website. It has given pleasure to so many people. You have a lot of people who are supporting you around the world. One tip that I was given was to weigh yourself each day at the same time in the same clothes ( or wearing nothing). That way you are dealing with facts rather than wasting emotional energy on what you think your weight is doing. For me, this helps and I thought it might be useful for you.

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  15. I have been there. At 323lbs I was ready to give up. My ankles had been sprained one too many times and life hurt. I eventually managed to pull myself up just enough to get started and it has been a long and painful journey with some very bad and damaging choices but I have learned quite a lot along the way. The number one thing to remember is that we are all a bit different and often those of us with significant excess weight do not respond (weight loss wise) the same way as smaller to various diets. Also diet alone will not work. For me it was a lower carb (about 150g a day), a medium fat and a higher protein diet works the best. At the beginning walking was my only exercise and it hurt but I pushed through and was walking about 7 miles a day. I added in cycling and the gym. I added running when I had lost about 50lbs. Now I am on the verge of 200lbs and have run my first 10k (slowly….I am the turtle in peanut butter). Perhaps this would work for you or perhaps it might not work at all but hopefully something here might have pricked your ears and can help. Hugs.

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  16. Yo yo weight and finances were a huge part of my life for about 20 years. This was terribly hard on me physically and emotionally and the reason it happened was physical and emotional problems.

    One day I just decided that I was not going to diet or worry about my weight anymore. Nothing was working anyways. Yo yo weight gain was much harder on me than maintaining a weight and eating properly all the time would have been even if I was eating more than I should. Excess eating as in bingeing was terrible on my body and did nothing to help my feelings.

    So I was going to eat what I wanted. Of course at first I ate a lot of rubbish but that only lasted about 6 weeks. Once I gave myself permission to eat what ever I wanted it never seemed like I had to rush to eat it all before I made myself go on a diet again.

    For well over two years I did this and not worrying about my weight was a huge relief. And I did eat much healthier (kept the bad stuff but less and less of it) and to my surprise I did gain weight in the beginning but then I stopped gaining as I settled into a food routine and then one day I got on the scales and discovered that I had lost 10 lbs.

    So I am going to suggest that you stop stressing about your weight and aiming for weight loss. Just think about your health. Follow your WW2 food plan as it is excellent for nutrition and finances but include some of what we classify as forbidden foods. Don’t get hungry. If in a couple of months you notice the same as I did – freedom from worrying about all food – then think about cutting back bit by bit. This was the only way I was able to lose weight.

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