Trust me, this has taken a LOT of guts to reveal my large and floppy body to the world. Revealing the reality of a 244 lb body ravaged by 3 large babies and 20 years of “not giving a damn” isn’t a pretty site. But whatever you think of me, know that I’m a good and kind person, I won’t judge you and I’d try not to hurt you.
THIS is necessary for me to do as part of my acceptance of the obesity problem I have. An obese person is usually obese for a reason and accepting what we have done to our bodies and no longer hating ourselves as a person for doing it, is part of the healing process. I don’t like looking at my body in the mirror but I am making myself do so to realize that this is just skin and flesh and nothing more. My outside isn’t me…. it’s growing on me, it’s attached to me but you can’t judge me or really know me by the way I look..
Today I feel strong, I did speed walking at the track, I skipped, I did some pilates with a resistance band and for the first time in 20 years I jogged around the garden and tonight my plate was filled with delicious organic vegetables.
A little later on I will enjoy some cocoa from my 1940s cupboard and add it to my almond milk ( a substitute for regular milk as I am vegan), and watch an hour or two of something motivational.
Losing weight and becoming happy and healthy is a long journey. You have to slay demons, kill plateaus, wipe away the sweat and tears and keep climbing that mountain.
I’m halfway up my mountain and I refuse to look back!
C xxxx
I am proud of you for taking this journey, I would wish more could do what you are doing. I am fascinated with the diet you have selected and it is intriguing at how a modern day person could follow such a diet. They were awesome people in the day, I wonder what they would think of us. You are a brave soul and am honored to be following your vlog. Keep up the good work, you are doing wonderfully.
Carolyn stop saying that you are hideous! There is nothing wrong with your body, you are just heavy! You are working hard at losing your weight so STOP making those negative comments about your body! The way you were talking I thought you had rolls and rolls of skin. You are getting stronger every day and are so much more positive now than you were a year ago. It took many years to gain your weight so it will take time, maybe years to lose it. Cut yourself some slack, you are doing so much to lose the weight. You have done wonderous things and continue to do so. SO NO MORE NEGATIVE COMMENTS ABOUT YOUR BODY!!!!! You are beautiful and deserve to be talked about in a much more positive tone, even if you are doing the talking!
You are still more courageous than I am. I could never do what you have done.
with much love and great big hugs,
Cathy
You rock Carolyn! Did anyone tell you that you have a great set of pins? Most of my extra body weight is below the waist – I would kill for a pair of legs like yours 🙂
I left you a note on You Tube under this video. I think you are doing GREAT job and you are a beautiful person, inside AND out! This post motivated ME! I want to feel strong and climb my own mountain now, LOL!
You are I are built the same! WTG for putting yourself out there like this. I am following your journey and cheering you on.
Bless you for your courage and honesty.
Well, I don’t think it’s about weight or size – it’s about confidence, motivation, and character and you have BAGS of it – you’ll get there, I know you will. And despite what you say, you look great!
your body = not as bad as you think = ) your beautiful!
I watched this with a great sense of grief, as I realized that we have almost exactly the same proportioned body (I’m a bit thinner, not all that much) but a radically different vision of ourselves. My lovely lady!! I pray most ardently that you will come to love your body (or at least stop bombarding yourself with negative messages about it’s “hugeness” or “hideousness”). I can tell you from personal experience that your body type is very attractive to lots and lots of men. Not that that matters, but it sounds like one of your worries as you share your image with the world via YouTube. Your body, AS IT IS, is worthy of love, admiration, pleasure and positive attention. Blessings on your journey toward health.
Thank you ALL for your comments and I will indeed heed them. I don’t hate myself anymore (and that’s an important part of letting go of the obesity in my humble opinion) but seeing my body, mostly my stomach area (a lot of the worst parts were hidden under my shorts) does upset me… but at least I am lucky enough to be able to heal myself
I joke about the ikky bits.. it’s my way of accepting them and coping and I’d each and every time live with them over and over to feel as good as I have been feeling these past couple of months.
Life is sooo much more than the skin we live in… it’s about feeling healthy, happy and vibrant, having people in your life that make you smile and being able to make people smile too, knowing that you are living your life being kind, compassionate and empathetic to others and being grateful for all the positive things we have too..
I thank you for your lovely comments
Much love and hugs C xxxxxxxx
You are beautiful. You are brave. We all love You.
I see a lady with a set of legs I would kill for. I see a lady with a personality that is wounderful, I see a lady I want for a friend.
I have followed you since 2010. Your are making a difference in you and others.
Love, keep up with what you are doing, and bang all that will be gone. You will look one day soon and it will be soooo much smaller.
Have a good week.
Holly
You are brave, and beautiful, and strong! Thank you for your courage in posting this! Keep on believing in yourself, and know that you are an inspiration to others.
That was such a brave thing to do Carolyn. Love your body for what it is, It is the vehicle that has carried you around all your life, it has housed and nurtured your children. It has worked hard for you all your life and it will love you back for taking the care of it that you are doing now. 🙂
Oh my gosh C you are so so brave, wow! I can only echo those comments made already, you really are such an inspiration for me and so many others. I can see so much change and such a difference in you, it is beyond inspiring, and I want to add my sincere thanks to you for for sharing this incredible, yet emotional and difficult journey with us all. I watched your bravery with tears, I too look the same and that in itself has given me strength to face and deal with my own issues about body image and the difficult weight loss journey I have started. You are as many have said, a wonderful, warm and caring person, and I look forward to sharing your journey with you 🙂
Sister, you had been describing yourself of late by saying that you had saggy skin. Well, having looked at your skin, it is taut. Yes, taut. And in great condition. Because it is taut, I have NO DOUBT that as you lose all of your excess weight that you will NOT be left with any saggy skin. You have EVERYTHING to gain sister. I love you. You are so brave that I am welling up just seeing you getting to your happy place. I tell you what, next month will see a marked difference again. You have inspired me. I just ate another vegan meal and juiced another drink. And my large trousers (with belt on tightest notch) have started to fall down in the past 2 days. (And no, I will not be putting that on youtube every month)! The weight is falling off me too, and I have you and your inspiration to thank for that. I, too am reclaiming my life slowly. With your love I cannot fail. Brother.
Awwwwww Paul xxxxx I am sooo proud of you too for changing your life around especially during the recent events in your life but you are going to be a happy, healthy, wonderful Dad for Elise and live long for her. Its so obvious she adores you and you her xxxxx
Well done!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxx
PS And when you are happy all the girlies will come flocking after you!!! Maybe even some in jodphurs!
Carolyn, you have given me a mirror to see what I actually look like, and it’s not what I expected! You and I are approx. the same height and weight, and when I look at your video, I don’t see anything gross or unattractive, just a bigger bodied woman. So, if you look fine, so do I! What a revelation! Yes, we both want to keep working on better health and a stronger, slimmer body, but we really are okay as we are now, today! Keep on, one foot in front of the other, and I’ll do the same!
You have such a great attitude. You are using some really smart techniques for losing weight – slow and steady progress, eating right, exercising, being, public isn’t the right word exactly, but very open about your progress. It seems like I’ve read that the more people you tell about a plan makes it that much more likely that you’ll keep on track. Thanks for sharing your goals and results and plans!
Both Brave and Beautiful! Thank you for having the courage to share:)
Girl you made me cry… you are so damn brave and beautiful and I am proud for you.. not only for showing us what’s under the clothes, but for going on a weight-loss journey and letting us all share it with you. I hope I can be that brave some day (I am currently at 266, down from 290 at my heaviest). Keep it up!!
🙂 Thank you so much! You are doing so well yourself!! It’s a great feeling isn’t it when you begin to feel the benefit of losing some weight IF it affected your life before, physically and mentally. Good luck in your journey! C xxxxx
Carolyn, you are amazing! Congratulations on your weight loss so far, just keep going, and keep up the asparagus cravings.
P.S. Your recipes are great…and also good for the student budget 🙂