OMG I love you all!!!! Your comments are exactly what I needed and promise to answer all this weekend on my days off!
I didn’t visit my blog for a week… I have been thinking so many things through. Painstakingly analyzing minute details of my psyche. Mentally preparing myself to surge forward and grasp this sucker by the throat (jeez I never knew I could be that violent!) and finish the job. There is no doubt in my mind that more than anything else I want to rid myself of 100 lb on top of what I have already lost. According to my scales this morning I am down 55 lb from my heaviest ever weight and despite, at times, not eating 100% wartime rations, am still down 25 lbs from when I originally started the 1940s experiment.
I’ve been looking at my shape in the mirror. There is not a lot I like about the body I wear. Not so much that I am saggy and should you see me in silhouette after I’d placed an antennae on my head, I would indeed resemble a teletubbie (except not so young and cute) but simply that the fat suit I wear stops me from being the person I am inside sometimes. I am playful (despite my 45 years)… I love hugging and giggling and am affectionate towards fellow human beings (if they don’t put barriers up). But sometimes I hold back, afraid that folk will think me strange, I guess it is all to do with lack of confidence now that I wear a different sized body.
Today I have taken another step. I brought my sneakers to work with me and grabbed an exercise t-shirt and after work I go to the indoor walking track to start an exercise routine. It will be difficult at first, my weight causes a painful crushing sensation on my spine when I walk for extended periods of time but I’ll push through it bit by bit until it gets easier as my weight continues to drop. I am committing to go 3 times a week. My goal today will be to complete a minimum of two laps without stopping….
In the 1940s people were far more active than we are as a society today so to be successful in my experiment I have to keep busy. I may not be digging for victory in the fields like a Land Army girl but I’ll certainly be heading towards victory in my own way…
Hi Carolyn
Just to say I love your blog! I have found a lot of inspiration on your posts here. You are very tenacious and I admire your refusal to give up!
Awwww thanks Suzanne… you know I think the refusal to give up and just accept your failures is the only way to succeed at something eventually. I cringe everytime I fail or something goes wrong and think HELL – I have to fess up on my blog but hey- most of us are far from perfect and admitting that is the only way to keep on going and do better! C xxx
Way to go! It starts with a small step, but then you get back into it. 🙂 Wishing you all the best.
KB xx
Dear Carolyn, you may remember me from ACL and Melita I am wondering what has happened to you site and life in general. Please put me out of my frustration.
Of course I remember you Robert!!!!! xxxxx And I remember meeting up with Melita in Carmarthen for coffee on a number of occasions- I wonder what she is up to these days?
How are you?
The site is still there but as I work long hours etc I just don’t have any time to devote to it- its at http://www.acountrylife.co.uk
I split up from David 2 years ago after 5 years so the last couple of years (well the first year especially) was very difficult for me… I manage to get by now…
I still live in Nova Scotia Canada and it’s been several years since I set foot in the UK 🙁
How are you? What is your news?
C xxx
Oh Gosh that’s good to hear from you. Well I have not been in contact with Melita for some time, both her son’s moved back to the Uk one with his new french girl and the other to Brighton. The last card I got she sort of hinted that she was going back to the UK.
Your news is of course one of sadness I hope your daughters are looking after you. Hope you are enjoying Canada if you may remember some of my relatives came from Toronto and run the Ryerson University.
I am still with my son in France living the Hill billy life as best we can, though it’s tough in France now so many regulations and the cost is going up daily, many English people have gone back to the UK, but I am sure it is just as bad there as in France. I went to look to make sure the pig had water tonight and low and behold she got out somehow and started follow me and she is a big girl over 200 kilo’s but we kept calm and got her back ok. We are still struggling with our electricity, the French can be bloody minded when it come to official matters.
Acountrylife is still on line but no one seems to be using it all seem to be off line, which is so sad as it was a great forum.
This Blog of yours is great too and I will look into from time to time.
I will not let you slip away this time, we both send our love to you Robert and Charles xxxx